meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
