so that wasnt chicken after all
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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