I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
