Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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