it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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