OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
