me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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