Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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