when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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