after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
