I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
