I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
