Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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