i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
