If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
