Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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