i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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