At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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