Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My ass is underappreciated
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
