thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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