This girl is more easily done than said...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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