He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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