Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
