playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I need moral support for this bender
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
