By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
