Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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