Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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