He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
