I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
