I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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