I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
