I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
only you would photoshop your dick
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
