john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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