I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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