Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
