i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
