I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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