Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
