Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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