the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
