i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
