Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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