the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
