I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
time to smoke my breakfast
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
