I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
