His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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