Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
