I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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