there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
