How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
